Ruptured Go Fuck Yourself Christmas Special

Well it’s that time of year again. Make sure to put on your paper hat, crack open the eggnog and force a smile while trying to display emotions other than hate and lust so that your family think you’re a normal human being. It is of course Christmas, the perfect time to settle down with your loved ones around a cosy fire and enjoy a good film, preferable a light family orientated affair. Bollocks to that I say. The endless stream of sugar coated garbage (modern cinema) that gets stuffed down our throats at a rate that will probably give us diabetes is the reason I am writing this shit, as a rejection to normality. So allow me to introduce you to an alternative Christmas film that will have you and your family fucking dead people within minutes.

 
Country of origin- Spain

Year of release- 1994  

Director- Nacho Cerdà            

Stars- Pep Tosar, Jordi Tarrida, Ángel Tarris 

 

Aftermath is a 30 minute long short film that features no dialogue and an awful lot of dead people being molested. The films short plot follows a pathologist who seems to have an unhealthy obsession with his job. This ultimately culminates in a horrifically long and savage scene in which the pathologist strips, mutilates and has sex with the body of a female car crash victim. This prolonged scene gives the viewer a palpable sense of emersion into the sick and demented world of clinical necrophilia that this deranged pathologist lives in. The pathologist seems to take out what can only be described as fury upon the cadaver, going so far as to enact the Cannibal Corpse song, Fucked With A Knife before climbing on.

The whole film has a cold clinical feel to it that is greatly helped by the grim and authentic setting, along with the near constant silence expect for the occasional insertion of a classical score or the pathologists heavy breathing, and of course the stunning practical effects. The effects in this film really are amazing, the attention to detail and the incredibly realistic look make the cadavers look like something from a shockumentary rather than a well done effect. Overall it’s hard to find a better film to watch at Christmas. Aftermath has it all, romance, classical music and best of all necrophilia.

So there you have it folks another shitty Christmas special and another year of sick perversity on this rancid littler corner of the internet, all I can say is, I hope you hated it, and I love you all. See you in 2016 and don’t fuck too many corpses over Christmas.                

         

Ruptured Review: The Strange Color of Your Body's Tears

Country of origin- Belgium/France 

Year of release- 2014 

Directors- Hélène Cattet, Bruno Forzani           

Stars- Klaus Tange, Ursula Bedena, Joe Koener  

The film follows a husband who returns from a long business trip to find that his wife has gone missing from their apartment, leaving it locked from the inside. The rest of the film is focused upon him searching for his missing wife in their apartment complex, and that’s literally it in terms of plot. You may well be thinking that this rather simple plot has a great deal of potential to create a claustrophobic mystery thriller or even a psychological horror feature, and honestly you would be right. This plot, on paper anyway, is good, and if it wasn’t in the hands of the buffoons that made this pile of shit it could have created a very watchable film, however in the case of this film, that is not the case.

The film is made up of a series of unengaging and purposefully incomprehensible tangents that provide the viewer with nothing but frustration, and boredom. The characters within these tangents are nothing but a collection of moody/whiney cardboard cut outs trying their upmost to appear ‘dramatic’, while providing nothing in terms of performance but an urge within the audience to kill. The films script was clearly written during a break in a third rate art lecture by some Giallo fan boy who thinks their being outre by writing scenes and dialogue that have literally no purpose with or without context, and have tits, blood and knifes in them.

But to be honest, these issues almost pale in comparison to the huge elephant in the room when discussing this film, and that is the editing of Bernard Beets. The only good feature of this film is its stunning cinematography, which is brilliantly crafted and shows true dedication and artistry on the part of Manuel Dacosse, and this majesty of visual art is ruined by the editing. This film has some of the most sickening, choppy and pointless edits I have ever seen. The endless amounts of meaningless hard cuts and swirling visuals gave me an actual headache, and could easily trigger a seizure, so be warned. The editing try’s to appear as artistic, instead it, like the rest of the film just comes off as an empty soulless attempt by a pretentious art student to emulate the great Giallo directors of years gone by.

My final issue with this film is its desperation to try and be a 1970’s Italian Giallo film such as The Girl Who Knew Too Much, or my personal favourite The Bird With The Crystal Plumage. This film so desperately wants to be one of those films, but what it fails to realize is that those films at that time were made great by something this film totally lacks, tension. The great Giallo films of the 70’s were generally fantastic at creating atmosphere, something that is lost on this film as it ignores that and just tries to be an aftershave advert made by an art school dropout who can probably tell you what the inside of his own colon smells like. Overall, this is a dull, empty and obnoxious film that in its attempts to emulate classic Giallo films, simply cheapens and pollutes their artistry and legacy. I am going to give this film a 2.5/10, and I am only giving it that much because of the superb cinematography that is totally wasted on this trash.            

Ruptured Review: Madman

Country of origin- USA

Year of release- 1982  

Director- Joe Giannone

Stars- Gaylen Ross, Tony Fish, Harriet Bass 
   

The film follows a group of teens and immature over-sexed camp counsellors who are spending one last night at a generic and nameless woodland based summer camp. We are introduced to the group as they sit around a camp fire telling scary stories, eventually a story is told by the camp’s manager about the local legend of Madman Marz. Marz supposedly hacked his entire family to death with a hatchet, before being mutilated and lynched by local rednecks for his crime. Apparently however Marz will appear if you shout his name while in the woods, so he is basically the slasher equivalent of an inexperienced dogger. Of course it isn’t long before one of the “counsellors”, who just happens to look 40 but acts like he’s 16, decides to shout for Marz, just for the purposes of being a massive moron I assume. This inevitably ends with the legend of Madman Marz being a little more than a scary story as people begin to turn up with a distinct lack of a head, and a certain hint of being extremely dead.

Considering just how well known within the slasher genre Madman is, I was fairly excited to finally get the chance to see it, oh how I was disappointed. It really doesn’t take very much to please me when it comes to slasher films, all I want is some good kills, an imaginatively styled killer and some horny teen fodder, it’s not much to ask, but apparently it is far beyond anything Madman could muster.

Let’s just list off the basic issues with this steaming turd: The kills are repetitive, dull and have no tension. The killer is a fat hick in a discount mask and brown wig who spends most of the film dodging around in bushes more than a glitchy version of Duck Hunt, all while we get close ups of his grey rubber feet. But worst of all, is the characters and the script they have to “read”. At no point in the film do we meet a likable or reasonable character, as it seems everyone in the afore mentioned woodland camp of generic bullshit seems to be able to construct a sentence that wasn’t written by a drunk ten year old. There are numerus scenes in this film where the 35 year old teenagers who are the main excuse for characters in this film talk, and it feels as though you are suffering a stroke form an overdose of cringe. This lake of likeable or even tolerable characters makes it very difficult to care even the slightest when the equally dull Marz kills then off, thus rending the film a complete clock watch from almost the opening credits, as there is nothing else to save this film.

I would have forgiven this film a little bit if it had supplied some gore or even some decent technical ability, but sadly all we get is some badly light poor blood and gore that really makes me wonder why this film still holds an 18 certificate here in the UK. This brings me onto my final point. I purchased the recently released Arrow Video restored Blu-ray edition of the film with the intention of watching it for the first time, and for this review. However after seeing just how inexcusably awful the film is I have to wonder why did Arrow bother to restore and release it? Why waste time and money putting together a 1080p release with bountiful extras, of a film that has literally no redeeming features to anyone other than the most anal slasher completest, or the most newbie horror fan with no genre experience. There are so many great films desperately crying out for a restored, uncut or even first time UK release, Cannibal Ferox, The Devils Rain, Battle Truck or even Inseminoid are all far more deserving of a snazzy release than this stunningly poor excuse for a slasher film. Madman gets a 1/10 from me, it is in need of obscurity.