Ruptured Review: Hard Rock Zombies

Country of origin- USA 

Year of release- 1985  

Director- Krishna Shah

Stars- E.J. Curse, Geno Andrews, Sam Mann 

    

Trying to explain even a small portion of this film will be a substantial challenge as it is nearly indescribable to people who are not under the influence of strong narcotics, with that said, here we go. The film follows Jesse and his hard rocking metal band as they tour small town clubs in a hope of one day getting the big record deal they have always wanted. While the band are traveling to their next show in the small hick town of Grand Guignol (a clever reference to the Parisian theatre that is the birth place of shock horror) they pick up a gorgeous hitchhiker who offers them the chance to stay at her family’s backwoods mansion. The band happily accept the offer, but soon begin to question their decision when they are introduced to the bizarre collection of individuals that live in the mansion, which somehow includes Adolf Hitler, and an elderly werewolf Eva Braun along with a demonic dwarf! Things soon get worse for the band as they are hunted down by the insane demonic Nazi hick family, only to be brought back from the grave to seek their vengeance with the power of heavy metal.   

How this film manages to include a sex scene with Hitler and a scene of auto-cannibalism is beyond my puny mortal brain. This is simply an indescribable piece of insanity that flitters from one stroke inducing scene of bad gore and over the top hair metal to another without the slightest regard for quality or even constancy, and that’s why I love it. Hard Rock Zombies is a special blend of self-aware horror comedy and inept film making that makes for a grin inducing shambles that just happens to have Himmler with strimmer.

From a purely critical point of view, this film is rubbish, the acting is worse than poor, the cinematography looks like it was done by a chimp and the lighting in some scenes makes it almost impossible to make out what the hell is going on. But yet, all these normally crucial points are easily overlooked, when you have Hitler in a fucking dressing gown electrocuting a rock band on his porch! And yes, that actually happens. Why you are even still reading this review is beyond me, you should at this very moment be pulling on your pants and grabbing your car keys to go out in search of this masterpiece. Frankly for me to even try and give this a rating would do the film a great disservice, just understand this, you see Himmler kill people with strimmer, what the fuck more do you want from life?!