Ruptured Review: Nude Nuns With Big Guns

Country of origin- U.S.A
Year of release- 2010
Director-  Joseph Guzman
Stars- Asun Ortega, David Castro, Perry D'Marco  


I am well aware that a lot of people actively dislike the many ‘grindhouse revival’ films that sprung up after the release of Planet Terror and Death Proof and in some cases I can see why. Some of them felt forced and contrived, and often irritating. But my favourite by far is the excellent Machete, and the amount of times I was reminded of that film while watching Nude Nuns with Big Guns stunned me, in a good way.

The film begins with a bus full of nuns (none of which are nude or armed) being driven to an unknown location the middle of a barren desert. The group appears to be led by a priest called Farther Bernando, who we find through a series of flashbacks, is using the nuns to run a cocaine smuggling operation. When the bus eventually stops it is met by a couple of bikers, one of which is the leader of the gang and is called Chavo. Chavo is definitely the most entertaining character in the film, he is never short of a darkly funny one-liner, and has genuine charisma. Farther Bernando sells the cases of coke to Chavo, but unfortunately as Chavo inspects them he finds that one bag of coke is missing. Suspicion instantly falls on the nuns on the bus, and Chavo decides that shooting them one-by-one is the best policy to finding his missing drugs, and why not?

 

Eventually the drugs are discovered on Sister Sarah, who, as an apology is given to Chavo by Farther Bernando. Sister Sarah is then taken to Chavo’s brothel, where he decides to whore her out. Things take a nasty turn when one customer to the brothel beats the living shit out of the drugged up Sister Sarah. Chavo is not best pleased about this and decides to return the favour to the customer with a baseball bat to the face. During this confusion one of Chavo’s men rescues Sister Sarah, and takes her to safety. While there she talks of hearing the voice of God, and how he told her to kill all those who did wrong to her. Let’s face it turning the other cheek makes a shit movie, so why not go Old Testament on their scumbag asses. And that is exactly what Sister Sarah begins to do, in a hail of boobs, blood and bullets!

I didn’t actually expect a great deal from this film, I thought it was going to be a case of ‘all title and no film’ as we see with so many horror/exploitation films nowadays. But I was pleasantly surprised by just how much fun this one was; despite having some pretty nasty rape scenes and some dodgy acting the film was very entertaining. Unlike a great deal of modern grindhouse style films this one felt like its exploitation vibe was effortlessly achieved, and was in no way forced. The film is littered with moments that reminded me of many films, including Desperado, Planet Terror, and of course Machete, and I would say that if you’re a fan of any of those films you will probably get a kick out of this one. I am giving this one 7.5/10, its one for fans of modern grindhouse revival, and naked nuns alike.