Ruptured Review: The Nail Gun Massacre

Country of origin- USA 

Year of release- 1985  

Directors- Bill Leslie, Terry Lofton
Stars- Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, Beau Leland

What do you call a film with gangrape in the first 60 seconds? The Nail Gun Massacre. Yes that’s right folks, this film throws us straight into the deep end with a rather grotty gangrape scene that is presented with no backstory or context just to make completely sure your instantly cringing once you sit down to watch this bizarre low budget 80’s slasher.

Directly after the rape scene we see possibly the hairiest man ever to grace a backwoods cabin shouting at his wife about his dirty shirts. This pretty quickly leads to him having a rather penetrating encounter with a motorcycle helmeted madman who seems to have stolen Robert Ginty’s head gear from The Exterminator and Richard Harrison’s ninja suit from Ninja Terminator. After this we see the credits roll while we hear the strange and distorted laughter of the nail gun wielding killer. From there on in the film revolves around poorly portrayed cardboard characters being killed off in surprisingly quick succession in often hilarious ways by the wise cracking nail gunner, all while a hick sheriff and a cowboy doctor pretend to look for the killer, while really not giving a shit. The film eventually reaches its predicable climax after 85 minutes having only just explained the significance of the opening rape scene.

I went into this one wanting a cheap, sleazy bloodthirsty slasher film drenched in bad acting and pointless nail gun fodder, and by God did I get it. This film oozes low budget 80’s horror cheese, everything from the dialogue that sounds like it was written ten minutes before filming, to the overly loud synth music that pops up almost at random, this film has it. Now, don’t get me wrong, this film is rubbish, but it’s a very special type of rubbish that I find inexplicably enjoyable. It’s often hard to place why I like certain rubbish films and so passionately hate others, but in the case of The Nail Gun Massacre it is clear why I enjoyed it so much, the killer. This film manages to stand out from the gigantic throng of 80’s trash slashers by having a killer with both purpose and personality that is the instantly enjoyable to watch. If you enjoy slasher films that were made in some random patch of woodland on the budget of a packet of crisps then you will cream/soak your underwear for The Nail Gun Massacre. I cannot recommend it enough, that’s why I am going to give it 7.5/10.   

This film very recently got it's first UK region free Blu-Ray release from 88 Films which is well worth picking up.

 

     

Ruptured Review: Blood Reaper

Country of origin- USA 

Year of release- 2004  

Director- Lory-Michael Ringuette 
Stars- Brinke Stevens, Lory-Michael Ringuette, Bobby Macky

The film begins with an eight minute pre-credit sequence of a couple on some kind of fishing trip in a pretty remote area of woodland. The couple are individually stalked and killed by a gas masked maniac with a hunting knife. It was actually directly after this short scene that I realised that this was going to be a rather trying viewing experience, mainly because in just the space of eight minutes the film had established to me that it no discernible filmmaking talent and certainly no originality. But I digress.

After we see the couple slaughtered, the film skips to four years in the future, and we see a group of 30 year olds trying to be teenagers whilst planning a fishing and boozing trip to an area of isolated natural beauty. It just so happens that the area they are heading to has an urban legend of a bloodthirsty manic surrounding it (what a complete surprise, and total coincidence). Despite a number of warnings the group continue on and eventually reach their remote woodland cabins, but not until a slideshow of family photos of the cast members is shown for literally no reason. It goes without saying that this group of annoying idiots begins to be killed off one by one. It is a surprise however at just how little the rest of group care about the others, the general attitude towards missing people in this film is that not a solitary shit shall be given about their safety. Unfortunately, when the few remaining morons realise towards the end of the film that their being hunted, we are treated to some of the worst grief and worry related acting I have ever seen. I have seen inbred sparrows grieve more convincingly than the dumbass’s in this film. Thankfully it isn’t long before the burnt out corpse of this film is dragged still twitching into a predicable ending and eventually into a closing credit sequence, thus ending my torment.

If you look up the word generic in the Oxford English dictionary you will see the following definition “a characteristic of or relating to a class or group of things” you will also see a poster for this film. To say that this is the most generic slasher film I have ever seen is an understatement, and in some ways an insult to generic slashers. This film has nothing exciting or original to offer, literally noting. It’s so bad the film makers couldn’t even write stereotypes, instead we get treated to what I think is the actual “personalities” of the “actors” which is a pretty scaring experience to be perfectly honest. I honestly cannot recommend this to even the most hardened slasher fan, because with an almost complete lack of gore, an interesting killer or even slightly imaginative or fun kills even the most basic criteria for a slasher film are not fulfilled. I give Blood Reaper 1.1/10 yes, it really is that poor.         

Ruptured Review: World War Dead: Rise Of The Fallen

Country of origin- UK 

Year of release- 2014/15  

Directors- Freddie Hutten-Mills, Bart Ruspoli 
Stars- Philip Barantini, Kacey Barnfield, Robert Bladen

Oh dear me, this is going to be something. This is a found footage film that follows a group of annoying and incredibly stupid documentary filmmakers who travel France to make a film about some of the mysteries of the battle of the Somme. Already this plot is simply screaming originality and creativity. Once the group arrive at the site of one of the most important turning points in the battle, strange things begin to happen, as the camera man sees some unexplained figures in the distance that quickly vanish. Later on, while the crew are filming in ‘Devil’ wood they drag the chain bound skeleton of a WW1 South African solider out of a large pond. They find a strange amulet inside the chest cavity of the skeleton, and decide to take it while leaving the skeleton unburied. As the crew are leaving the woods and heading back to their van they are attacked by a horde of flesh hungry WW1 zombie soldiers, who seem to be from both sides of the conflict which at least shows some reconciliation on their part.

I would be lying if I said I was expecting anything other than pure shit when I went into this one. Before I get into the many problems with this pile of mess, I will say that some of the make-up effects on the zombies themselves were fairly well done, and some of the cinematography wasn’t too bad. So with the positives out of the way let’s get into the negatives. The first issue and the most noticeable is the characters, a collection of moronic scum bags that frankly don’t die quick enough. The worst of the bunch is the Director played by the talentless Ray Panthaki, who comes from such a brilliant background of work such as EastEnders, and Ali G Indahouse, it’s practically Shakespeare folks.

The next issue is pretty much a general pervasive complete lack of shits given on the part of everyone involved. Everything from the script which must have been written by a five year old, and then edited by a four year old, to the plodding predictable story felt like it was pieced together without a single emotion or identifiable essence of care.

But for me the worst thing about this film is its bad taste. Now I know the shouts of hypocrite will be bellowed from the roof tops once people hear me complain about bad taste considering I generally love it, but let me explain. This film is essentially exploiting the war dead of the most horrific and devastating battle in human history, and it treats it’s exploitation of this subject with about as much finesse as a sledgehammer to the balls. And it does this on the centenary of the beginning of WW1, that decision almost transcends exploitation and becomes arrogant ignorance. I wouldn’t even encourage you to steal this film, just let it die its inevitable bargain-bin death and be forgotten. This bucket of rat shit otherwise known as a film gets a 1.5/10 from me.